


The Unsent Letters of Lady Ursa to Princess Azula

by Eshusplayground



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Epistolary
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-12
Updated: 2020-06-05
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:14:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 1,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23114503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eshusplayground/pseuds/Eshusplayground
Summary: In a series of letters that she never sends, Ursa reflects on her daughter and what she would have done differently.
Relationships: Azula & Ursa (Avatar)
Comments: 12
Kudos: 113





	1. Floating Lantern Festival

My dearest daughter,

I hope this finds you in good health and good spirits. 

The Floating Lantern Festival is right around the corner. I remember how you used to love to sit in my lap and watch the paper lanterns float on the water while I combed my fingers through your hair. We would sit like that for hours, you and me and Zuko, until you got drowsy and fall asleep in my arms.

I still remember these moments so clearly. The colors of the sunset melting into night. The reflection of the lights on the water. Your tiny fist clutching a lock of my hair. They are a comfort to me when I think about all the time we have been apart. I hope that ~~if you return~~ when you return, we can be together for the next Floating Lantern Festival and watch the lights on the water the way we used to.

Do you have a memory that is a comfort to you? I hope that you do. Zuko tells me that things have been difficult for you lately. I wish I could be there so that we could talk, and you could tell me everything that is in your heart. Perhaps it is wishful thinking on my part to hope that Mommy can still make everything better. 

Perhaps it is wishful thinking to hope that you would even let me try. You were always so strong and clever, even when you were little. You often surprised me by how smart and capable you were. Nothing could ever stop you once you put your mind to it, and I do not think that has changed since I have been gone. Yet, I still worry. Are you safe? Are you warm? Are you happy?

Please be alright, wherever you have gone.

Love, 

Mom


	2. Hide And Seek

My beloved daughter,

It has been weeks since you ran away, and there is still no word about where you are. Perhaps it is pointless to write these letters, for there is no place where I can send them, but I write anyway in the hope that one day you will return to us, and I can then share them with you.

Zuko and his friends have promised that they will keep looking, but I all I can think about is how you used to play hide and seek when you were little. You could disappear for hours, long after it stopped being fun for your playmates. One time, you were gone so long that it was almost your bedtime before you were found.

I had ordered everyone in the palace to turn the place upside down looking for you. While we searched, the things I imagined happening to you got worse and worse. I imagined that you had hurt yourself and could not walk back, that you were afraid and alone in the dark. I imagined that someone had somehow snatched you away from me, that you had been taken who knows where.

When we found you, you were in my room, curled up asleep in my wardrobe without a care in the world. I was so cross with you for making everyone worry that I could have struck you, but I sent you to your room instead. I did not know it then, but that was my first real test as your mother. Anything could have befallen you. I should have been overjoyed to find you safe and sound. I should have dug deep for the patience to explain to you why it was wrong for you to disappear like that. But I was tired and angry, and it was easier to send you away.

I wonder if things would be different if I had handled that better.

I do not know why I am thinking of this. I suppose it is because I know that you will not be found unless you wish to be. Sometimes this makes me proud of how clever and resourceful you are. But it terrifies me too. This world is a dangerous, hungry place, even for you, my strong and beautiful daughter. I would give everything to shield you from it, but no one has that power. I can only hope that I did enough to prepare you for it.

So, wherever you are, please be safe, and stay warm.

Love,

Mom


	3. Unknown

My beautiful, brilliant daughter,

Why do I keep writing these? There are dozens folded up in my drawer, sealed in wax and ready to send, but I never tie them to a messenger hawk. I never slip them into a bottle and cast them into the sea. Yet, my heart moves me to write these words, though you may never read them. Perhaps one day you will understand and forgive my failures. Or so I hope.

More than anything, I wish I had more time with you. I know it's foolish to want such a thing, for there is no going back to the way things were. Even if it were possible, you would not have remained a little girl forever. But just a few more years, just to be there for certain things I missed, would mean the world to me.

Zuko says that you bend bright blue flames. How lovely they must be! I wish I could have been there when you first made them. Where did you learn that? Is it a technique you came up with all on your own? How old were you when you did it? 

There is so much about you I do not know. I am sure you have questions for me too. ~~If~~ When you return to us, we should go somewhere, just you and me and a pot of tea, and talk, as mothers and daughters do. I promise I will listen.

Love,

Mom


	4. Marks

My beautiful daughter,

It is so strange to be in the palace without you here. There are signs of you everywhere. The names of you and your frinds carved into the tree in the garden where the three of you used to play. The scorch marks on the corner of your grandfather’s tapestry. I was less than thrilled with you for it at the time, but now I can only smile. Even as a child, you were determined to leave your mark on the world.

Every day, I go to your room, take a look around and wonder about what kind of woman you were growing up to be.

There is a shelf laden with well-worn scrolls. _The History of the Hundred-Year War_. _The Art of Victory_. _Legendary Pai Sho Masters_. _How To Win Allies and Subdue Enemies_. _The Life and Times of Princess Jingu_. I find notes in the margins, questions and corrections. The penmanship is impeccable.

Beneath them, hidden in plain sight, the illustrated scroll I had made for your fifth birthday. The metallic sheen of the paint has faded, but the dragons coiling and undulating across the paper remain breathtakingly lifelike. You should have seen the look on your face when I gave it to you. How your eyes lit up and grew wide with wonder.

Do you still love dragons? Do you still make those charming little doodles of you riding them? What about the less charming ones of you smiling while they ate your brother or set him on fire?

I look in the closet, and my heart sinks when the first thing I see is a suit of armor. There are faint scuffs and scratches on the well-oiled leather. This armor has seen battle. Where have you been fighting? Who were you fighting? Why were you fighting? How on earth did you come to know the horrors of war?

Sometimes I cannot bear to look at it. The only thing worse than knowing you once needed it is knowing you may need it and not have it.

Please be careful, and may dragons fly through your dreams every night.

Love,

Mom


	5. Turtleducks

My dear Azula,

New turtleduck hatchlings have made their home in the little pond in our garden this year. There are seven of them, but one among their number sticks out from the rest. It is a very naughty hatchling. It steals treats from its siblings. It wanders off to explore the garden on its own. And it bites. 

I know you never cared much for turtleducks, but I like to imagine that you would like this one. Sometimes I picture us sharing a peaceful moment at the pond. I see myself combing your hair while you toss pieces of bread in the water, as I used to do when you were small. Would you still let me? Is there still time for you to be doted on by your mother?

My mind often drifts to the naughty hatchling when I think about you. I accidentally tripped over it once, startling it. The mother turtleduck, hearing its cry, came out of the pond, hissing and screeching, and vigorously attacked my shoe. I must have seemed like a giant to her, but she fought me anyway to protect her baby.

I cannot help wondering how different your life would be if I fought harder for my own naughty hatchling. I should have seen what that man was turning you into and put a stop to it, but I was so busy saving one hatchling from the charging mooselion that I didn’t protect the other hatchling from the viperleopard hiding in the grass. But the naughty hatchling is strong and very smart. If anyone can find a way to escape the viperleopard’s clutches, she can.

Your brother says that whatever happens to the naughty hatchling is not my fault, that she made her own decisions, but he does not understand. It does not matter what the naughty hatchling has done. I am still her mother, and she is still my baby.

Love,

Mom


	6. Home

Azula,

Please come home.

Love,

Mom


End file.
